By Christopher Yemenidjian (Guest Contributor)
Among the first Armenians who immigrated to the United States and the succeeding generations of Armenian-Americans, there have been phrases, terminologies, mannerisms, and behaviors that hold distinctly different meanings from those of non-Armenians. My non-Armenian friends have slowly learned the difference between Pacific Standard Time and Armenian time. They have seen our tables filled with food and wondered if more would be joining us. We aren’t the most straight-forward group of people, and we require a bit of conditioning to be properly understood. This series is intended to provide the necessary insight into how Armenians think, act, and operate, a means of bridging the gap between ourselves and our non-Armenian counterparts.
Disclaimer: The notes below are based on real-life experiences. They are not intended to insult, disparage, or disrespect Armenians or non-Armenians in any way, shape, or form. They may not reflect the views of every Armenian, and are not intended to do so. This piece is purely written for entertainment purposes.
- “I will be there in 15 minutes”
Ordinary Meaning: I am about 10 – 20 minutes away.
Armenians: I am just now about to get in my car and should be there within an hour or two.
- “My dream is a small intimate wedding”
Ordinary Meaning: Similar to an elopement with less than 100 people (being generous).
Armenians: At least 300 people, and you just broke your mother’s heart because now she can’t invite this couple whom you have never met. However, the couple invited your parents to their daughter’s wedding 8 years ago, and are therefore obligated to send them a wedding invitation. Not to do so is considered an insult of epic proportions.
- How to greet distant relatives
Ordinary way: With a handshake and a verbal greeting.
Armenians: Calculate the age and degree of consanguinity or affinity. Then select from the following list: handshake, a nod of the head, hug, or kiss on the cheek. If it is a kiss on the cheek, you must determine who will be the first to lean in. A slight miscalculation and you are left in an awkward position, and run the risk of offending your relative.
- A weekend barbecue
Ordinary Meaning: Hamburgers and hot dogs, and maybe a salad, properly apportioned to the number of guests.
Armenians: Beef Kebab, Chicken Kebab, Hummus, Lebne, Tabouleh, Fattoush, Rice, Basterma, Baba Ghanoush, Grilled Veggies, and a few other dishes that vary from house to house. Apportioned to feed about 3 villages in a 3rd world country for multiple days.
- The Mother from “Everybody Loves Raymond”
Ordinary Meaning: An overbearing, pain in your butt woman who does not exist.
Armenians: A mellow, toned down version of our mother or mother-in-law.
Christopher Yemenidjian graduated with a degree in Rhetoric from U.C. Berkeley and is currently a law student in Portland, Oregon. He spends his free time playing video games, watching movies, and driving his family crazy. He’s had vegan powers for the past four years and counting.